Printable
version of the "Brides of the Cosmos" Cosmics
http://www.tyrtle.com/gallery/cosmics.html
When we all lived in the Crab Nebula, Earth was the most boring thing on tv.
The basic glitch in democracy occurs when the majority abandons governing itself in favor of ruling the minority...
***
"Western Thought" is actually a kind of self-consciousness engendered
in response to a constant nervous supervision of the mind meant to prevent our
Running With Scissors or similar dangerous activities."
(contributed by the Daughters of the Wicked Witches of the East)
***
When we all lived in Micronesia, we had the tiniest waists in the world. So
what.
***
Scientific Methods of the Twentieth Century
Treasure Hunting:
Focus on what treasure you want to find - pirate booty, a gold mine, buried
jewels or whatever. Now as you envision this treasure, gather all the acorns
you can find and put them in a blue sack.
Tie the mouth of the sack with black twine, chanting loudly "Life Oak,
Live Oak! Old tree, tell me where the treasure is if you ever want to see your
children again!"
The nearest oak tree will tell you how to find the treasure. Or if not, feed
the acorns to vicious wild boars.
***
Several winsome skunks came to the Barn. "The Soup Kitchen is over there
under the hickory," sez a helpful Barnkeep.
"Ahem," says one skunk, "we are not here for the Soup Kitchen
thanks; we have come to bring you the Word of Apostle Odey Cologney."
The Barnkeep ran inside yelling, "Eek! Ek! Xtians disguised as skunks!"
***
Goldens
Reading Your Mind and Skipping Everything But the Sex and Violence
What's the difference between...love and lust?
Okay to love your mother.
***
When the moon came over the mountain, all the denizens smiled saying "Why
Annapurna, what's come over you?"
But Annapurna couldn't guess, so the other lady won the car.
***
Nick and Nack were sitting on the Fence. Polly Whack gave the dog a bone, and
Nick was rilly freaked out because it was a vegetarian dog.
***
Some KKK's are standing around the Universe. "Them coloreds," sez
a one, "are sure-god just the laziest no goods, I mean."
"Well," sez another, "but what about that Scott Joplin? He wrote
some pretty fine music, for sure."
"Well yeah," sez the first, "but he couldn't never of done it
without Syphillis, Crown of Caucasian Culture."
***
"Even though the eyelids may be weighted with golden coins, death is quite
an eye opener."
(attributed to Zarathustra)
***
If we are all dust, what is this endless hoohah allatime about bein clean?
***
Soap Fans Million Dollar Sweepstakes
What's the difference between...the young, the restless, and the hyperactive?
The Young and the Restless is a soap; the hyperactive is a detergent ingredient.
***
Nigh and Denigh were sitting on the Fence. Denigh fell off, and who was -- "I
DID NOT!" hollars Denigh.
***
In the
Garden
"Whatdya wanna be," sez a bumblebee, "when you grow up?"
"Well, I," sez a sunflower, "wanna be an Ancient Venerable Ancestor."
"I wanna be dirt," sez a rock.
"Hmm," sez a dahlia, "I wanna be a Dahlia Llami."
***
"Jesus!" says the Snarkie, "with everyone sitting on the fence
all the time it's a wonder anything ever gets done around here."
"Whatever," sez Jesus.
***
Golden Oldens Comin Around Again
"If people will fight for a parking space," ruminates Peapod, "-no
wonder they will fight for a homeland."
"What's the difference?" sez Grasshopper.
"That's just it, Grasshopper," sez Peapod, "there is no difference;
we all just want a place to park our vehicles whilst we enjoy the planet."
***
Goldens Going Into Therapy and Coming Out Woodens
What's the difference between the Cosmos and Creation?
Creation is the part of the Cosmos Jesus' Dad owns.
***
Practising Anti-Ageizm
A Newsletter for Guilt Addicts
Dear Anti-Ageizm,
If I live 600 years and don't remember any of it, and you live 3 years and remember
all of it, then which of us is the elder? Is age strictly memory?
Thanx for your wonderful publication,
Framingham Reader
***
It is winter solstice again, and this year the Aunt from the East has come to
the family gathering. All the children are milling about saying, "Whaddid
you bring me, whaddid you bring me?"
"Well my dears," says the Aunt from the East, opening her giant black velvet rucksack, "I have brought you choices."
The children keep clamoring and stay happy, even though they know it's a trick.
The Aunt from the East has made two big piles of presents, and the giant rucksack is a deflated velvety puddle. The presents are all different sizes and all different colors of wrapped boxes, but green, yellow and black are the main colors. "Now!" says the Aunt from the East, "--the choices are here and clear in one pile and two, and the choice can be yours to make, if you make it so. In thispile," (pointing) "--are the Gifts of Rights. and in thispile," (pointing) "--are the Gifts of Responsibilities."
The children leap for the piles shouting, "Yaay Auntie" and looking thru the tags to find their own names, merry and free to choose, even thugh they know it's a trick.
Well of course
as you have probably guessed, and as one enterprising niece found out by opening
both her boxes, the two piles contained the same choice (in her case, sunflower
seeds in a sack). This niece chose the Gift of Rights, and cracked and ate the
whole sack of seeds before dinner. Then after dinner when the folks were sitting
around singing Solstice songs, she sneaked back to change her mind and chose
the Gift of Responsibilities.
This sack of sunflower seeds she planted in the spring and harvested in the
fall and etc etc etc. The Aunt from the East never brought this niece any more
presents. "No need," she would say, waving her fingers.
***
Winky is thinkng about transplanting some marigolds when !!!suddenly!!! here comes an angel saying "Hark and Lo, I am another yourself!" Hark and Lo," sez Winky, "Transplant these marigolds!"
***
Our Attorneys Advise...
Everyone who doesnt wanna appear in the expanding web cosmcs, sign yer waiver
in disappearing ink
***
Winky is tryin to fix a broken dog and the milling other dogs are tryin to help.
"Back off," sez Dr. Winky, "your lickings are not required at
the moment."
***
When Does the Funeral Begin?
Though we might all wish to be remembered fondly, we'd jollywell ruther be around
for the fondness...
***
Pinky and Winky were thinking of doing the laundry. After six months the clothes
were still dirty, so they just went to the laundrymat and washed them the old-fashioned
way.
***
"Understanding each other's literary references is not friendship,"
grumped Pinky. "O sigh" sez Winky, "Grousing about not-liking
absent people is not friendship either, my dear dingdung."
***
Golden Oldens
Sagey telephones from Eastern Outer Space to show off her developing simultaneity
skills and incidentally to mention she n' Todd are getting married..."Are
you serious? What did you say? Did you have a talk with her?"--- but it
is just an illegal aliens skam says Kitey patiently.
***
Old Saws Still Cut
If you wouldruther be villianously persecuted than magnificently triumphant
you are an idiot.
***
"Keep Xmas in your heart every day," sez Ascended Master Krackoda.
"Hey yeah rilly" agrees Drakka, "why have turkey only once a
year!" "We have roast beef at my family,"sez Winky. "Personally
slain?"asks Pureheart. "Uh ...no,"sez Winky, "professionally,
I think."
***
"I feel terrible," sez Winky, "to realize that I am always using
color pencils that I havent personally slain." "Hey good," sez
Pinky, "it is always helpful to have a specific whatever to be feeling
terrible about." Winky moped off into the forest and came back at dusk
with several color-pencil carcasses slung over her shoulder...
***
It is said that all roads lead to Rome in which case I think the Pope should pay for the gravel.
***
Oaxaca Mahatmya
O Oaxaca Oaxaca Oaxaca,
You are the blood singing in my veins,
You are the pee distending my bladder,
You are consciousness itself!
O Oaxaca Oaxaca Oaxaca,
Cheap at thrice the price,
Benares of Beverages,
You are the river flowing to the stars
Carrying my rotted corpse!
***
Representative government works best when the represented can be specific about
what their representatives are meant to do. Well, at least more specific than
'make me happy and don't bother me with the details.' This is how's come surprise
birthday parties and romantic sex are so often disappointing.
***
"Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself," glooms Handmaid
Lisa, "I just do not have a clue -- do you ever feel like that?" "Sure"
says Bridey Waterknee. "Well so whaddya do?" sez Handmaid Lisa. "Well
I use various arcane techniques," sez Bridey Waterknee. "Sometimes
I expand my consciousness some more until I become someone who knows what to
do; sometimes I pick a fight with Bridey Moonflower -- those are the main ones..."
***
The roofing committee was having another meeting. "I have an idea!"
sez a newcomer, "--since women hold up half the sky, let's just let it
fall!" Everyone was very uncomfortable, saying "Thank you for yer
imput" and suchlike.
***
The newcomer went home to Shanghai and rabbleroused about this incident so that
at the next meeting of the roofing committee the only topic of discussion was
whether or not the phrase thank you for your imput had been employed as a euphemizm
for put a sock in it...
***
RumourHazzitt that the Muffin Man who used to live in Drury Lane is dealing
coke -- that's just because he doesnt have any furniture.
***
Software For Folks Without Computers
old flannel shirts
***
Adventurers Handbook
Fear only majesty; lay tender patience on the paltry...
***
All the chickenophobics sighed mournfully...
***
Amali Injam said...
"Sentimentality interferes with development of symbol comprehension/nutrition."
***
Often enough we do not know what to do with interests other than join fan clubs...
***
Xtians place Truth in time, specifically in the past. As we are presently bereft
of time-machines, this's a pity.
***
Xfiles place Truth in passion, specifically in discovery...
***
When the Knight Onna White Tangent came riding into their nightmares all the
children cheered saying "O yippee now we will be rescued!" "Bite
yer tongue" snapped the Knight Onna White Tangent, "--anything can
be rescued; a juggled plate can be rescued! I am here to join my efforts with
your own!"
***
When we all lived in Paradise our assurance was never lost as we had completely
forgotten it was there.
***
When we all lived in Atlantis those mean prophets of doom were always tryin
to ruin our fun...
***
Are highschool girls being forcibly integrated to their damage and detriment?
Depends if they're in school to be educated or impregnated.
***
Everyone who is currently president of a democratic psyche, raise yer hand...
***
When the Pencil Immortal came for MacLeod, he blanched and fled. "Hey Mac!"
sez Richie, "--what's with you? You are like seriously messin with my hero-worship,
here!" "It cant be helped, Richie," gasped the Highlander, "for
the pencil, as you know, is mightier than the sword." Crushed and bewildered,
the young immortal trudged off to the bar to pick Joe's brain...
***
Now that summer's fled and all the firewood is wet, it is instructive to arm
oneself with memories of last week's temperatures.
***
"Moof" sez a novice, "it may be instructive but it is not very
warm."
Yer memory is defective.
***
"How can you tell if you're lazy?" asks the Inquisitor. "I dont
hafta worry about it," sez Hook, "as all my so-called friends know
how."
***
Ancient
Magic Tricks Revealed
Why do we laugh at the baby chicken joke? We are delighted to be invited into
Romanceland, where baby birds cannot hatch without a hero.
***
This exposè was brought to you by Wafflebaffles. Are ya wafflin? Buy
baffles!
***
Ancient Magic Tricks Revealed
As behavior-trainers, we praise others for whatever doings they do that benefit
us and/or fall in with our preferences. As behavior-trainees, we have been similarly
conditioned. Well, Abracafuckindabra, Sis!
***
Romance Reich
Perhaps romance acts in part as an emotion-system -- we learn to produce the
FDA-approved emotion through story-conditioning. This's all very chummy but
nothing to do with feelings-as-senses.
***
The past four days have been brought to you (in part at least) by Influenza.
So next time you find yerself sidling away from a snifflenosed hugger, remember
In means in, and fluenza is the present participle of flow.
***
"It's a non-local
reality, after all," mused Dolfin, "--so I guess we all live with...
you know, whoever we're living with."
"True," agreed all the devils in Hell.
***
Goldens Forgetting To Return The StapleGun
What's the diference between...time and age?
Time is ephemeral,fleeting. Age is how we forget about it.
***
Goldens Going Into Therapy And Coming Out Therapists
What's the difference between time and money? No difference, they are both barter-ideas
of equal value. I give you my valuable time, you give me your valuable money.
Remember, Therapy is like any other western-medicine business -- if you don't
pay for it, how will I get rich?
***
"What's all this hoohah about the High Cost of HealthCare alla time,"
sez Bridey Waterknee, "surely we are free to care about our health our
own durned selves?" "It depends," sez Bridey Noettall darkly,
"whatcha call it. If ya call it religious freedom, okay -- but if you think
yer free to practise medical freedom, think again,matey."
***
Goldens Showing Up A Week Early For Thanksgiving Dinner
HealthCare Update: After a coupla days of moping and experimentation, Bridey
Dingaling has discovered that MysticMint healthproviders is the Health Plan
for her. Meanwhile, the turkey thawing in the cooler has pretty much lost its
health.
***
Firestone Mystery Theatre
Good evening children, and welcome to Firestone Mystery Theatre. Some rocks
when struck together strike a spark. Some don't. Why this should be so is yet
another mystery of the universe. And now a word from our sponsor, Encyclopedia
Britannica.
***
Some folks evidently believe that being a nitpicky shopper is a sign of good
taste. Eeepa, what a world, eh?
***
Some folks think earthquakes are weather. But nuh-uh earthquakes are not weather
sez meteorologists. This is yet a morely indication that specialization stunts
our growth.
***
Hey if language were sensible wouldnt an exterminator be someone who has retired
from the killing business?
***
OakLeaf is getting kicked out of here on account of the other residents do not
feel personally aggrandized by her solitude. See what happens?
***
From the walls of the Mt. Ida Cafe:
Save a tree -- Eat a beaver.
***
When we all lived in Paradise, even if we did sometimes forget that we'd left the beer under the van, the bottles didnt break when we backed over them...
***
Pinky is busy doing the Labors of Isis raising the stones and carrying the stones
and fitting the stones together into a fine flat greenhouse floor. "What
a lot of seating!" commented some walking-bys, "--we certainly hope
you don't think you are a second Hercules or something!"
***
Although lots of holy guys agree that it is somtimes necessary to lie to the
unenlightened for their own durned good, nobody is saying we have to believe
the lies, mate.
***
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that, while knowledge may be either conveniently
or inconveniently available, most of us wouldruther be right.
***
As everyone knows, sheep do not grow up to be shepherds. On the other hand,
where there are shepherds abroad, sheep are unlikely to grow up to be anything...
***
It is perfectly possible that teachers teach for the same reasons shepherds
shep.
***
During the tornado alert, Jane and Ellen explain to houseguests that if a tornado
comes everyone should grab a pillow and race for the pantry. The next day, Quay
asks how do we know if the tornado is coming? After some hooing and hahing,
everyone agrees that what was meant was, if you feel nervous hide in the pantry
with a pillow over yer head...
***
Textical And Tactical
Some cultists were sitting around concentrating in hopes of perceiving the Authentic
Activity. "Urk" saz a walking-by, "take time out for a bath,
wont you?" One cultist did, whereupon the others concentrated on ignoring
this sinner.
***
Recognizing The Ground When It Is Hidden In An Easter Egg
The tricky aspect of this exercise is that we alas are also 'hidden in an easter
egg' whether we now it or not.
On the one hand, hoopla, we are in the same general area. On the two hand uh-oh,
we think we're not. Hence a bunch of searching, most commonly for a Hidden Egg-Shaped
Object Decorated With Bright Gay Designs...
***
If Cat Dog Crow
If a dog wont share yer dinner you'd best go hungry, but eat confidently of
a dish the cat disdains.
Crows are useless to you in this regard for a crow will eat an unclean thing.
Everyone whose humerous expectations were dashed by the word 'unclean' can take
this opportunity to revive their hopes.
Or, not,
***
SubaNova
Some folks cry at the drop of a hat -- even if it's not their hat.
***
Camelcade Clopping Up Yore Driveway
Most ammuricans employ the sound kal-vah-ree to indicate either 'soldiers on
horses, possibly rescuers' or the Nazarene's crucified agony'. This in spite
of having, ready to hand, two different sounds ie: cavalry(galloping rescuers)
and Calvary (the sacrifice).
What might be operating in a society wherein nearly everyone nearly always makes
this identical 'Freudian slip'?
***
Secret of the Fortunate
The big important secret of the fortunate is, that calling someone 'fortunate'
is a disguised complaint.
***
Pruning the Rose Forest
A coupla neighbors were haiving a chat over the back fence and one said "Would
you mind telling me...what do you do, when you wake in the middle of the night?"
"O that's simple enough," said the other, "I get up at once and
go on about my business." "No no!" cried the first, "what's
the matter with you, I'm asking about an insomnia remedy, you nitwit!"
***
Some local denizens are auditing An Advanced Psychology. After two or three tapes, some auditors stop calling this activity 'the class' and substitute 'the advancement'.
***
Sometimes interpersonals become strifish whereupon one auditor further specifies
the activity as 'the struggle to advance'.
***
Thought's Activities and Works
Thought: Dirt and clutter might be demonic.
Activity: A bunch
more thoughts on the order of 'just as easily mightn't be', etcetera...
Thought: Notice the above activity and identify its motivational source.
Activity: Write a cosmic about it and learn from other's responses.
Thought: Is my mind a democracy then?
Activity: spontaneous mild reorganization.
Thought: Given lamentably word-association habits of mind, how can we discover
anything about actual effects of dirt and clutter, let alone whether or not
'cleanliness is next to godliness' does indeed imply the reverse....
Activity: Reorganize livingspace into dirty cluttered and clean uncluttered
areas, and note effects.
Observation: Thoughts do engender activities and activities are not works. I
suspect all this neurotic emphasis on cleanliness and orderliness is yet another
toilet-training souvenir.
***
Psychology is personal, and as such is unlikely to 'make sense' to anyone other
than the person.
***
Spiders Like Books, Lions Like Lions
Some people like fish, and some don't. Most people who report fondness for fish
mean that they like to eat them.
Often enough, people say to very young children 'I could just eat you up' and
suchlike.. However by and large we do not address such remarks to cows chickens
apple trees fish fields of corn or any other relatives whom we actually do consume.
***
The Dangers of Breaking With Tradition
When the Anglos discovered that whales form an ancient and highly-developed
civilization, they broke with tradition and did not murder everyone and steal
all their stuff. (This was partly on account of whales don seem to have any
stuff and also are an Endangered Species.) However having broken with tradition,
the Angloes were at a loss as to how to proceed. Eventually, this message was
sent:
'Hi! We have discovered your civilization!'
***
Perils of Breaking With Tradition
Discovering elates us and serves to remind that oui don't know everything yet,
which's generally a relief. Although we may hear tell of higher consciousness
or whale civilization or compassionate wisdom etcetera, we are not in act experiencing
these words, are oui. Two centuries after the sending of the message came this
response:
'O stalwart enterprising discoverers! Cease filth manufacture!'
***
Some Salutary Botanicals
Leaf Mold
some folks think
death acts
as an eraser.
This's rather more
wishing
than thinking.
Mugwort Don't ruin yore life pursuing health.
Sunflower Pollen gilded a stinkbug --
Hey, Presto!
the wind blew it grey again.
***
The Classic
Baby Chicken Joke
The baby chicken is signalling help. 'Help help!' yells the baby chicken, get
me out of here, it is dark in here!' 'Fear not,' counsels the helpful person,
'Rescue 911 is on the job!' 'Eek eek!' screeches the baby chicken, 'don't crack
my shell, you clumsy fool!'
***
April 17 Good Friday 1981
'We are so fortunate,' sez the pious granpa, 'to be gathered here together for
our ritual Easter Dinner' 'O yes indeed' chant the parents. 'Look look!' sez
second daughter, 'the ham is rising from the dead!'
***
The beer-repairman came into the skybar.'What're you doin here,' sez the bartender,
'on account of you are not due to repair the beer till Tuesday.' 'I know,' sez
the beer-repairman, 'I just came in to use the bathroom.'
***
When the Easter Ham rose from the dead, Jews were surprised, Catholics assumed
it was a saint of some kind, Buddhists nodded serenely, Muslims and Protestants
disintegrated into their usual sectarian disagreements, and talkshow hosts clamoured
for guest appearances...
***
The beer-repairman came into the skybar. 'Hey have you heard?' sez he, 'the
Easter Ham has risen from the dead!' 'Well,' sez the bartender, 'it's not my
fault.'
***
The pinnynut came into the skybar. 'Hey, have you heard?'sez the pinnynut, 'about
the --' 'Yes yes,' sez the bartender, 'I have already heard from everyone who
came in today that The Easter Ham has risen from the dead, and what I want to
know is, whaddya--' 'What in the Christ are you talking about?' sez the pinnynut,
'because I am trying to tell you about the new Krishna peanut-oil fast!'
***
Some people were dancing in the streets. Some were singing and some were clapping
and some were handing out leaflets: HAVE YOU ACCEPTED THE EASTER HAM AS YOUR
LORD AND SAVIOR?
***
The Mother was on the Dick Cavett Show 'Yes Dick,' she was saying, 'I was actually
present at the Transfiguration of The Easter Ham.' 'Well,' sez Dick Cavett,
'--this may seem a silly sort of a question, but what were your actual thoughts
and feelings at the actual time, if you wouldnt mind sharing that with us.'
'Well Dick,' said the Mother,'--I remember sitting there at the table thinking
that it was getting apricot-raisin glaze all over the Irish lace tablecloth
my husband's mother gave us on our third wedding anniversary, and wondering
if Cheer would get it out.'
***
5 ops mump may 3 '92 reunion 142
'Gardening is stupid,' says Bridey Waterknee, '--it is just another dopey human
effort to control the lives of others. If ya gotta be a control freak, why not
practise anorexia.' 'That is one perspective,' says Bridey HighToe, '--but we
can also see it as a cooperative effort. You are just crabby because of that
stupid startrek book.'
***
Bridey AfterBurn shitted down the side of the shitbucket. This is not invasion
of privacy it is friendly anecdote-reportage.
***
Why is shopping absorbing?(and sometimes obsessive)...After all, real desires
are not offered for sale, the most attractive merchandise is the least affordable,
we dont want most of the stuff we do buy, so...?
***
May 5,'92 7 ops mump Datura Day
The moonflowers are slowly emerging from the mulch a centimeter a day, and the
eldest has major blackshadow of the leaf. This is a clear sign that the moon
has been invaded by unfriendly aliens.
***
'Ahem', says a Stickler, '-- it is not posssible to invade an uninhabited territory.'
Thank you for yer persnicket.
***
'Why is it illegal to bury dead people in the garden?' wondered Winky. 'Let's
not have any long involved wonderings about it,'sez Pinky, '--until we actually
have a dead person, whaddya say.'
***
'I think it is a creepy job to be a cop,' sez Lobelia, 'on account of, if you
are praised and rewarded for catching so-called criminals, then of course you
are always glad to find another one.' 'Kind of like social workers,' sez Mandy
the Terraforming Engineer.
***
'Hey yeah rilly,' sez Hook, '--so many jobs are about toil and trouble else
alleviating toil and trouble...If we wanna make money, why not use a laser printer!'
***
In a society of
consumers, the height of ambition is to become a producer.
In a society of pioneers the height of ambition is to innovate.
In a society of ambitious innovative producers, peace and quiet is a seldom
thing
***
Our ammurrican version of classiness recognizes Intelligence as a highclass
attribute. This's all very well, but as we haven't a clue as to how one recognizes
Intelligence itself, we content ourselves with signs and portents. Ferinstance
speed being a fabled sign and portent of Intelligence, we gorge ourselves on
fast cars, faster computers, instant food... The reasoning here seems to be
that one impersonates highclass intelligence by irritably demanding fast-faster-instant-FTL
services.
As a marketing ploy, this scam has been well-represented in the fairly well-known
story called "The Emperor's New Clothes". One of the more destructive
symptoms of this general malaise has been a near-sanctification of impatience,
as in: "I feel impatient; therefore I am intelligent."
***
That Summer In St. Louis
Moving Toward the Source
All the ships on the sea, nor all the planes in the sky
Nor all the movingvans on the roads
could suffice to sherpa
what we are anxious to bring on this journey!
It is easier to uproot and move
all the surrounding landscape across the world
than to move our own durned selves one millimeter
Nearer the Source.
***
Gene is patching the driveway, telling handyman stories. One story concerns
the monster fascist realestate agent for whom Gene was working at the time who
ordered several ancient trees in the front yard of a hot property cut down so
as to be able to take a good photo of the house for listing purposes. Gene,
who cut down the trees, is telling this story to illustrate the monstrous insanity
of this employer...
***
Rachael said:
"Outward simplicity is misleading, because the less stagebusiness there
is to do, the more the interior complexifies."
***
Concepts
When the perceived remedy for a so-called affliction is what I desire, then
we are not discussing affliction at all, but rather a procurement-mechanizm.
***
The Captain and the Pilot are sitting on the Fence. The Captain is trying to
make sure no one falls off. The Pilot, who knows better, is deciding which way
we fall...
***
Results of the What is Intelligence? survey:
80% of those surveyed responded:
Isn't that what the CIA does? So that would be - um- stealing secrets, or something.
The 20% who didn't talk about the CIA mentioned:
learns easily; comparative quickness; ahead of the pack;intellect; problem-solving;
creative and innovative.
***
A Family Kitchen Moment
Dad is cooking pasta and Daughter is sitting at the counter. 'It isn't that
I don't like Judy, she is saying, '--and I know she's having a hard time right
now and I know why--'
'Well of course,' says Stepmom, who is sitting at the table chopping peppers.
'--it's just that all she talks about is spiteful stories about our mutual friends
and I feel so drained because I don't know what to do when she --'
'I don't want to hear that,' says Dad.
'What?' says Stepmom.
'You just say "I don't want to hear that",' instructs Dad.
'Or,' says Nurse, who is unloading the dishwasher, '--you might ask Gardener,
who has a list of techniques for -- what do you call that, Gardener?'
'Deflecting Badmouthing,' says Gardener, who is cleaning the birdcage. 'You
say to the Badmouther--"how do you feel about that?"; you ask "Have
you said this to him/her?"
'I know she hasn't,' says Daughter.
'--but my personal favorite,' says Gardener, ' is to make sure all your acquaintance
are well aware that you have an excellent memory and publish everything.'
Silence, during which the bubbling pasta has a chance to be heard. Then Daughter
laughs delightedly and Dad clangs the pastapot lid. 'Just say you don't want
to hear it,' he directs. Then during dinner after having badmouthed his inlaws
Dad finds it necessary to proclaim that family dinner conversation is not for
publication.
'I don't want to hear that,' says Gardener.