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Annoyed and Irritating

I’ve felt really unbearably crabby and irritable all day. I have no idea why. But everything is irritating and excruciatingly annoying, no matter what it is, and it’s driving me nuts.

I mean, it’s not that I don’t have control over how I act/react — I do — it’s just that I feel annoyed and irritated, and then I feel bad that I feel annoyed and irritated, and then I feel annoyed and irritated that I feel bad that I feel annoyed and irritated…etc. etc. etc. Are you annoyed and irritated yet? *laughing*

Finished up the new graphics for the title page of this whole web empire yesterday, and I’m extremely thrilled with them. Todd left a message on the phone mail saying, “Oh, gad, well, I know you never check voice mail, but if you do, and you get this message, I’ll go to the movies with you tonight, or this weekend, your choice.” And when Netscape crashed I checked and got the message and Todd was quite amused, he got home extremely early and I’d already talked to Sarah, who said the real estate agent flaked out and hadn’t made any appointments so the trip was off. I’d wanted to see a movie at a really nearby theater, but it was playing “Seven”, not what I thought it was playing, and I think we can all agree that a quality evening is not one that includes watching Brad Pitt attempt to…what’s the word again…oh! Act!

So we tried the mall theaters but they didn’t have anything we wanted to see, we tried the artsy theater but they seem to be closed for the winter and putting on a musical instead of movies, and then we tried a strip mall theater, same old same old was playing there, and then we finally tried one where we didn’t even recognize half the names of anything that was playing. Had a great time driving around, though, both felt quite jolly and glad to have so much time together — literally three extra hours vs. what we usually have on weeknights. Finally decided to just rent a video and get a pizza to go with it, couldn’t find anything we wanted to see, and got Shallow Grave because I wanted Kitey to see it. Waited for the pizza at the pizza place across the street, and drove on home.

When we got there the whole house was dark and I assumed that Kitey and Jill had gone for a walk and felt really poopy, because I’d wanted to surprise them with the pizza and movie. Then Todd came downstairs and said, “Ahem, they’re home, actually, I just heard Kitey say ‘ouch’ from their room, I do NOT want to know,” and then we both collapsed in giggles. They came downstairs and made popcorn (with garlic and butter and nutritional yeast, YUM!) and then we all watched Shallow Grave, I did a big announcement and disclaimer that it was really violent and scary but I think they were both surprised anyway by the level of violence. Poor Jill was really scared, I left at a couple of points, came upstairs to check email, go to the bathroom, etc. Gad, not to, like, count my chickens before they hatch or anything, but I feel much cheered and not crabby at all. The combination of Ani Difranco, my journal entry, and a cup of very, very caffeinated Fast Lane tea (which, I kid you not, has a picture of two business people in suits flying up into the sky, each with their hand being held by someone who I think is supposed to be Super Celestial Seasons Guy, given that he’s wearing a superhero outfit with a big “CS” on the front) has greatly improved my mood.

Wasn’t as impressed with the movie this time, I think because Kitey and Jill were kind of agog throughout — I don’t know that they didn’t like it, but I know they didn’t quite see the humor that Todd and I did. Helped to be in a theater where everyone was laughing at the dark parts the first time we saw it, I guess. Perhaps this is why they have laugh tracks on television…? Although I can’t say as I ever found anything on a sitcom funny enough to crack a smile, much less LAUGH.

Went in the van with Kitey and Jill to the health food store, grocery store, and video store to return the video, feeling extremely crabby the whole time, who knows why. It wasn’t lack of coffee, because I was drinking a huge commuter mug full the whole time. At one point Jill and Kitey and I were all walking hand in hand, Kitey in the middle, from the grocery store to the video store and I was astonished (I am every time I hold Kitey’s hand, someday I’m going to remember) at how tiny her hands are, because I’m used to holding Todd’s hand, which is huge compared to mine. Jill and I compared hands and not only are they exactly the same size, they look so much alike that it was a bit disconcerting to have them held next to each other.

Finally got up my courage to tell Jill about something that’s been bothering me, I hate these rotted-monster kinds of things, where it’s just some stupid thing that I should be able to just SAY instead of worrying myself sick about not saying it — not being honest about something, which I hate and have tried my best, in my life, to never do — we were in the van (which practically is as big as a bedroom, it was very weird to be in it, to be in a moving vehicle but sitting on a floor next to an armoirey thing on a rug my mom made) and I was agonizing over saying it or not saying and finally I just did. I told her that I had a pet peeve (which I do) about people calling me “Sagey” who are not my mother or my father — and my father’s not in my life anymore, so basically people who are not Kitey — because…who knows why? I don’t. She was really fantastic about it and instantly said that she completely got it. We all grinned a bit about dumb rotted-monster things like that. I was glad I’d finally said something.

edison, edison

A Non-Carrot Cake