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Is the chaos created by me?

Submitted entry: At the beginning of the day things were looking bleak for what it was going to be like about this time of day. We woke up remembering that we needed to get food for ourselves. We had about two things to eat -oatmeal, and some veggie chili without beans. Sage ate the chili, I ate nothing and then I went to the house to have a shower and get ready to goto town. Then I had to be back before 1:00 to have a phone call with Julie Jordan Scott and then I knew I had to get wood because while we have 55 degrees outside today (it feels positively balmy) it’s going down to 30 tonight and only will get to 40 tomorrow. As we are out of wood that meant at least an hour. And all that had to be done quickly so Sage could get an acupuncture treatment and give a photoshop lesson. All basically before dark. It sounded more crazy when we woke up at 5:30 than it actually was and I think I did the right thing by doing my best to just stay in the moment, take one task at a time and move on to the next rather than sit and be overwhelmed at all I had to do. All that said, I have to get more groceries from the car soon. Of course it can all wait, too as it’s going to be like a refrigerator outside tonight and we don’t even have one anyway.

One of the things we talked about in the call today, which I forget now what got me on the subject of it is the fact that life is seeming really busy right now - almost as busy as it did when I was living in the city. Except now there’re playgroups, trips to Springfield, wood gathering, town trips and the like. It’s so crazy that there are oftendays where we don’t even get a chance to do dishes or cook. So I was wondering out loud how much of this chaos is created by me and not actually part of reality. Know what I mean? I wonder if I’m not, after years of city living, and years before that of living with alcoholic parents, very much used to living in a chaotic environment and that perhaps anything less than complete chaos can seem boring. I know that at the end of a day like today I feel pretty great that I managed to get through it successfully. But I am pretty sure that if I were more with-itI could avoid the chaos more often and just live slowly. Perhaps Sage andI are on some level fond of fast living.

In the realm of fast living, we had pizza delivered last week. Okay, not like we used to - where the person drives from the restaurant around the corner and gives us a pizza in 20 minutes or so. No, this takes moreforethought. First we need money - well, actually not, we can right a check. Anyway, after that we call the pizza place in town and they tell us when they can drive up. Usually it’s about an hour after wecall. Then we wait and walk out of the woods to the car and drive about 3miles to within the delivery range (they do a 10 mile radius of town),pick up the pizza and walk it home through the woods. All told, about 11/2 hours between the idea of pizza and the reality.

And now I think I’m turning into something of a noodle. I’ve been in and out of this entry several times when you weren’t looking and now it’s about 8:30 PM.

Cold and Pre-Dawn Light

I’ve died and gone to sugar hell.