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I’ve died and gone to sugar hell.

Submitted entry: It’s been a weird day to say the least. It actually started sometime last night when Paul had a late nap -as in waking from it at about 6:30. I saw that it was potentially going to be a late night so I had a cup of coffee at 6:00 PM and prepared to stay up and planned to allow Sage to go to bed if she’d let me sleep in in the morning. It worked great - and Paul (and I) were both asleep by 9:00anyway. Which is something of a late night by his standards. He goes to bed anywhere from 5:00 PM (no nap) to 8:00 PM (an early nap) We’ve definitely got it easy compared to a friend whose son decided to stay up one night until 2:30 AM just for the heck of it.

Anyway - Paul woke up this morning at around 6:00 I think and so did Sage. I dozed on the couch. I couldn’t really sleep soundly in as Paul missed me, I think. When he first woke up he brought me over my glasses and a few minutes later came by with my hair tie to pull my hair back. (I usually don’t feel human until my glasses are on and my hair is out of my face). He and Sage sounded like they were having a great time, though.

When I finally woke up at about7:30 I got up and went to start my coffee. It was then that I noticed something was starting to go wrong. It was as if someone turned up the contrast on my eyes. Everything seemed stark. I figured then that it was the beginning of a migraine aura and took two Tylenol and willed my coffee to brew faster. A few minutes later the real visual disturbances came -dimming vision in one eye and flashing floaters. After about 1/2 hour they were gone and I was left with a dull headache that would have been pull the shades and hope to die headache had I not had coffee and tylenolbefore it hit.

The thing about a migraine -whether it hurts like hell or not - is that it leaves me feeling“off”. There’s not a great way to describe it. Sort of adisconnected, otherworldly feeling that doesn’t leave until I have a night’s sleep. And I didn’t help matters today by having a big late breakfast of lots of pancakes drowned in maple syrup. It doesn’t matter that it was a natural sweetener or whatever - I ate too much. And so hereI am, just at the other side of a sugar crash. An hour ago I felt completely dismal and hopeless, as well as really tired. It wasn’t until about 15 minutes ago that I made the connection. And I even managed to remember to think that the sugar might be a problem when I waseating it. I just didn’t think of it when it was actually happening. Not that it makes it much easier to live with. But it is always a nice feeling to realize that the problem is chemical and not thefact that my life actually does suck or anything.

Paul actually went to sleep on his own tonight. Sage was too tired to keep going tonight too and actually fell into that funny state we both enter in to when trying to tell stories to him to get him to sleep. The stories start out great “Once upon a time there were three bears, Papa bear, Mama bear, and Babybear…” But after a few minutes you know you’re falling asleep when you hear yourself saying through a fog “Then baby bear flew toCalcutta where he found his guru.” It’s funny to listen to Sage doing it though I do it too I found out last night. Anyway, after Sage nodded off he wanted to go to sleep so I pulled up his covers and then he wanted a story. Intelligently, I sat up this time so as to not tell myself a story and put myself to sleep and miss the opportunity to keep upwith this journal and my email. After a few minutes his breathing slow ed, but he was still restless so I switched to reading aloud from my “Tootired to really think” book of Dear Mr. Rogers - letters to and responses from Mr. Rogers (of Neighborhood fame). And after a fewmore minutes he completely fell asleep. I fed the cats, went outside to go to the bathroom (gorgeous night - bright with moonlight diffused through clouds but warm - in the high 40’s) and am now writing this. Of course I don’t know how much more I’ll manage. I’m fading fast. If I don’t return your email tonight, I chose playing Nethack instead. (sorry!)

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