Seems like it was just 6 AM and I was waking up.

Submitted entry: It felt like quite a busy day today though looking back I didn’t really do more than usual. Paul and I ran a few errands - Wal Mart, take the knife to get it sharpened (sadly finding out that they don’t sharpen knives anymore), go to the post office, go to the thrift store. There was an unexpected visit from a friend of ours followed by an expected chiropractic/acupuncture treatment for Paul and I. I guess perhaps that its the rapidity with which the day has passed that has me feeling like it was busy. Seems like it was just 6:00 AM and I was reluctantly waking up and now I’m making dinner (tofu curry again - I have to get some new recipes now that we’ve got a fridge).

Our lives really have changed, however, with the addition of the fridge. Leftovers now have become a viable option, as has fresh produce from the Saturday farmers market on any day other than Saturday. I’ve actually got frozen stew and frozen tofu with sweet chili sauce ready for a night when I don’t feel like cooking. In the fridge there’s a ton of Sage-made pesto (one of the only things other than Old El Paso taco dinners she makes) waiting to be frozen or eaten (my money’s on Sage’s eating it - she loves no food more than pesto - well, maybe sushi. And I’m even inspired to have more than one thing at dinner. Sage has complimented me frequently on how she likes the variety we have at dinner - I’m often serving side dishes or salads instead of just making a big vegetable stew to get our veggies. It’s been fun to make more than one thing. The other night I had some fresh green beans from the farmer’s market and I made them stir-fried with garlic and ginger and tamari (that’s basically the recipe for the curious) along with a delicious batch of tofu with fresh tomatoes - a sort of Vietnamese-inspired dish that we like to eat in the summers when the tomatoes are available. It was fun to be rushing around in the kitchen making two simultaneous dishes, plotting to have both dishes and the rice ready at the same time. Okay, I did cheat - the rice I do in a rice-cooker and it keeps it warm so I just start that early and let it wait.

Yesterday Sage, Paul, Kite, and I all went to the town pool and had a lovely time. It was a bit cool - probably only in the 80’s but we braved it nonetheless. And what a great idea - Paul loved the kids’ pool - a 20 x 30 foot (or so) expanse of 18 inch deep water. It was great for us too as he was tired and when he is tired he gets restless and wanders around the house often creating havoc. There in the pool he couldn’t cause any trouble - he still ran about all over the place in the water but it was all channeled into an acceptible form. Sage and I got to play in the big pool too, both of us going on the diving board and realizing how much worse we all were at diving and swimming than when we were young. It was rubbed in further by our watching a really talented pre-teen boy doing flips and great dives seemingly effortlessly.

Where’s Paul, you ask? Oh, just taking advantage of his granny’s availability to him. Since we moved here she has never been this available for him to hang out with. She comes over almost every day and quite often they go for a walk together with or without his (or his granny’s) stroller. Today after his treatment he asked if he and his granny could walk to her house and hang out and then he proceeded to invite the person who gave us our treatments over to hang out with them and have a walk. It’s so interesting to watch him having his own private life (okay, not so private if I’m here watching it but you know what I mean).

Speaking of strollers - I am finding it interesting as I live in this town as a part-time pedestrian and living near Kite who is a full-time pedestrian to think about how pedestrian friendly (or not) this culture is. Just in terms of getting things home. Kite does her shopping and laundry on her own mostly - and has found that a large two-seat stroller works great as a way of carrying things to/from stores, laundromats, etc. Sage joked that she’s glad that we have Paul around so that she’s not “that crazy old lady with the stroller.” So I just thought for a bit. There really isn’t any effective, inexpensive way for a pedestrian to haul large quantities of food or laundry with. The only ideas I came up with were either ineffective or aren’t socially acceptible. There’s the shopping bag carrier thing - kind of like the roll-on luggage carrier thing - not much capacity and not found usually at thrift stores, then there’s the backpack - good to carry but not much capacity but takes too much thought to pack. Then there’s the stroller and of course the ultimate in socially unacceptable old woman accessories - the shopping cart. It’s just weird to think about.

Not much else going on these days - Sage and I are still suffering from Kalamazoo Library withdrawal - the town library only seems to have romances, westerns and cheesy murder mysteries - we’ve been spoiled by good libraries. Springfield is good but a bit of a haul and we’ve been burned twice with fines from when we couldn’t get it together to get there and had like 100 items out. Sage reads too fast to actually buy fiction books even used and feel good about it. So we’re figuring it out. We might just grin and bear it and go to Springfield. We could do interlibrary loans - but at $2.00 each and with our library only allowing 4 books to be checked out per person that doesn’t give Sage, who can read a novel a day on a good run, much help.

Now Sage is offline so I think I’ll connect up and upload this and get my email. Soon this won’t be an issue as we’ve ordered a crossover cable to connect our two computers with network cards - then I’ll set up one or the other of them as an internet gateway and we can share the net again.

Er…is this your card?

Sage is at Wal-Mart, trying to buy file cabinets with Todd’s debit card, as hers has been lost for ages and she can’t get up the energy to go to the bank and replace it.

Cashier Er…is this your card?

Sage No, it belongs to my husband. Here, I have his drivers license, and here’s both our names on the checkbook.

Cashier Okay…I’ll let it go this time, but you need your own card.

Sage Actually, you’re just the second person in a year to catch me at it. I think it’s my hair. People aren’t sure if I’m a boy or a girl.

Cashier, eyes involuntarily going to Sage’s breasts Oh! Don’t worry about THAT! If you were bald I’d have asked. You just don’t look like a Todd.

You have an amazing bone structure.

Because I have given my entire life over to Television Without Pity and the Real World wrap-ups, I have almost nothing to say today. Ummm…

We arrived in Kalamazoo on a Monday, and Tuesday Todd had to go to work. So I checked out the bus schedule and Paul and I set out to go to the library on the bus. It was the beginning of June, but so cold that we were both dressed in coats and hats. We waited at the bus stop for about ten minutes before it started to rain. Confident that the bus would arrive at any moment, I draped my jacket over Paul’s head and we waited some more.

Suddenly, a big expensive black car pulled up in front of us. A GQ-model-quality man leaned over and called, “Do you need any help?”

Instead of saying, “No, now get away from me, Ted Bundy,” I smiled and pointed at the bus stop sign and said, “Thanks, no, we’re waiting for the bus.”

Long silence, then, “Oh. Do you need a ride?”

“Er…no…we’re waiting for the bus. Thanks anyway.”

He shrugged and pulled away into the traffic and was gone. I realized then that he was talking about the rain, and did indeed understand that we were waiting for the bus, but really, the whole experience was so weird. Mostly because he was conventionally attractive and rich. I’m very used to being invisible around attractive people, it’s been that way my entire life, and wow - recently I watched a beautiful friend of mine at a party, and was so grateful to not be her. Every man at the party was fawning over her and saying idiotic things like, “You have an amazing bone structure,” and “Your daughter looks exactly like you - both of you are true beauties,” instead of what they were thinking which was, “I have fantasties about long sexy romantic weekends with you and please don’t let my wife notice I’m over here…”

Corporate Prostitution Gig

Submitted entry: The heat has come despite Sage and I doing what we do every year at about this time - saying “Wow - this summer weather isn’t that bad - it’s almost bearable!” Well, scratch that - it’s in the 90’s with a heat index over 100. But unlike living at the yurt, we’re dealing with it much better. The house is really wonderful - because it is shaded by several trees and has way better insulation than the yurt did it actually stays bearable (not cool but bearable until about 4:00 PM even on a hot day like today. We just have the windows open, fans on and as little clothes as are socially acceptable. (Note to self: Sage says that I’m no longer allowed to leave the house without a shirt lest I wind up mistaken for someone on “COPS”) To make it further bearable, Kite and a friend just picked up a pool for Paul that is without a doubt the biggest plastic wading pool (complete with water slide) we’ve ever seen. We just set it up in the shade of our mimosa tree and it’s filled up waiting for Paul to awaken from his nap and for his friend to arrive this afternoon. Sage took one look at it when it arrived and turned to me and said “Just so you know - this is how you’ll be spending the rest of the summer.” Good thing too, as Vera Cruz - where we usually swim is still 10 miles away and the town pool full of chlorine and screaming children is a long hot walk away and $2.50/person admission. I do want to visit it sometime, though as it’s been too long since I’ve been on a diving board. Not that I know what I’m doing on it but it is still a good time.

Our fourth of July was pretty sedate with no special plans. The town, however, had other ideas. Loud ones. This is my first summer living in a town where fireworks are legal and it’s amazing to see just how much people spend on them. For those of you still stuck in a place where they are illegal - picture this. You know the way people are in most neighborhoods about their Christmas lights? Just about everyone does them and there are always a handful of people who really do it up. Well, it’s the same thing with fireworks here. Our cat Claire made the mistake of going out just before dusk that night. By dark it sounded like a war zone outside - literally - with small explosions punctuated by the sound of screams - well these whistling fireworks that sound just like someone screaming. Claire must have found herself a good hiding place as I went out to find her and couldn’t track her down. Finally we all went to bed - each of us waking up several times and wandering outside to look for her with no luck. Then mother nature had her own fireworks show - what would have been a lovely thunderstorm with torrential rains and lots of lightning. No way we could find Claire then. Finally at mid-morning after the storm had passed Claire, looking more like a drowned rat than a cat (she’s scrawny when dry!) came yowling to the door. We gave her lots of love and dried her off and I don’t think she’s been outside since.

On a related note - does anyone know the answer to this? I was thinking as the fireworks were all going off - which as I said sounded much like what I imagine small arms fire to sound like, punctuated as I said by screams of whistling fireworks and exuberant children - that perhaps this was a phenomenon of a country that has not really had a war in it’s borders for many years. The celebration of independence with sounds that creeped me out a bit with their similarity to things that actually kill people seems somewhat odd. Is this something that goes on in countries that have recently been or are still at war? Does this happen in Somalia or in the former Yugoslavia? Just curious.

Everyone in town must think I’m crazy now. In the midst of all this heat I’m growing my beard back and letting my hair grow out. Sage, of course, is thrilled. She preferred me that way. Me, I like the ease of care that short hair has but I don’t know - I am really associating that look too much with the pseudo-identity I wear to work. I never thought I’d do anything like this as a political statement and probably aren’t really doing it for that reason exactly but I just don’t know - I guess growing my hair and beard again (which, Sage if you’re reading I reserve the right to cut and shave if it gets too annoying again) is sort of the cosmetological equivalent of taking a long hot shower after going to work as a corporate drone whose looks, behavior and even words were dictated by social protocol in exchange for $40/hour plus expenses. The haircut, Dockers, golf shirt and the right answer (or at least the answer the client wants to hear) are sort of the miniskirt, fishnet hose and tube top of my corporate prostitution gig and I’m just glad to have them off.

Oh Christ, that was a bit to Kerouac or something for me. Forgive me - I got carried away.

Sage and I have switched computers again. She really needed a faster computer with a larger hard drive and me with my simple needs - email, web browsing with lynx, nethack and the like took her slower, P233 in favor of the P366 I had. In order to move all our stuff over and to back up her files as well we bought a CD-RW which has been a lot of fun to have and already something I don’t know what we did without. I also made a few audio CDs at the same time. And I have to ask something else: Are people making mix CD’s these days the way I made mix tapes as a teenager? I still have a number of tapes filled with Art of Noise, Depeche Mode, The Cure, Yello all put together as expressions of my mood at the time. People I know also may still have mix tapes I made for them as a way of expressing my feelings of friendship, love, gratitude or simply a communication of “Here I am, this is what I’m on about.” Anyway - I have really fond memories of sitting in my room (bedroom, dorm room, first shared-house room) scouring my tape and CD collections for the perfect song to make the point I wanted to make. But when I made the CDs for Paul, Sage and I of the MP3s we all had on the computer it felt so cold and unfeeling. Pick a list of files, queue them up, and walk away only to come back in a few minutes to get the CD. Where’s the feeling in that - where’s the romance? Where’s the angst ridden teenager listening to “Blasphemous Rumours” as it is recorded for his best friend he knows will also think it is the most profound thing they’d heard in all their fifteen years on the planet? Was I the only one who did this? What is the experience of making mix CDs like for today’s youth? That’s me - the romantic. Ten years ago I would’ve lamented the passing of the “real” letter arriving by post (if I weren’t so into email at the time). Thirty or forty years ago I probably would’ve lamented the passing of writing (or at least quoting) romantic poetry for one’s love interest in favor of mix tapes or songs dedicated on the radio. That’s me for you.

Now I have to go. I really must go to audiogalaxy and find the perfect songs for a mix CD for Sage - I’ll give it to her as she downloads the e-card I sent her and receives the flowers that I ordered for her online.

Ye Olde Hooker

In the process of serving my mysterious addiction to the Woes of Tom and Nicole (the fascination started with seeing Nicole Kidman in Dead Calm, I’ve always thought Tom Cruise was an idiot) I went to see Moulin Rouge. I’m a sucker for musicals, and though Nicole can’t sing and the plot encouraged us to feel sad for ye olde Hooker With a Heart of Gold, I loved it and would see it again in a heartbeat. Really, I would watch Ewan McGregor strut around in that black coat while singing furiously for two hours, and who needs the rest?

Sage, Todd and Paul are in the car. Sage is singing the Phantom of the Opera libretto to lull Paul to sleep. She has a cold and her voice keeps wobbling.

Sage The Phaa-aa-a-antom of the Opera is there…inside my mind.

Todd *snort, giggle*

Sage whispers Quit giggling!

Todd I’m only giggling because the rest of the time you’re such a great singer.

Sage Oooo. Good save.

Does anyone know of a book recommendation service on the web? Not Amazon, I have no idea who wrote their recommendation software, but thank you, no, I do not want to read every Harry Potter rip-off marketing ploy book just because I happened to look up when the next one’s coming out once. I’ve gotten into this horrible rut of reading Jonathan and Fay Kellerman books, which are just like Lifetime movies but even more sordid. Help.

Please tell me why rich people look so conventionally attractive. I want to know. Everyone in the Apartment Complex Of Obscene Wealth we stayed at looked like they belonged on the cover of Vogue. Can they afford better haircuts? Time at the gym? And why were they always having sex in the hottub?

Two Pools and Two Jacuzzis

We’re finally home!! While we were gone it seemed like we’d been away forever. Now that we’re back it seems like we’d hardly left. ‘Sage and I were sitting in the living room last night as the warm breezes blew in and the fireflies winked in the night and talking about how glad we were to be home and how dreamlike the whole experience seemed in retrospect.

“So anyway I had this weird dream last night…You too? Yeah, I went back to work in Kalamazoo - right, I know, nobody actually lives there you only see it on the road atlas. Anyway, I flew up there for ten days and lived there by myself and lots of my old coworkers were there but it was so weird. Most of them were divorced and many of them had already either remarried or found another partner in the interim. Bizarre, huh? Anyway, it gets weirder. So I was in this weird apartment development with two pools and two jacuzzis and actually paying $1,400/month for it. Yeah, I know, I can’t imagine doing that in real life. Wait, wait, it gets better. So I flew home and went to this odd traffic court that was nothing like it is on TV - everyone was so informal and casual. Then we had two days at a festival in town before our friend drove us in our car to the Springfield airport only we didn’t get on the plane we picked up a car. The three of us started driving back to Michigan for some odd reason and stopped at a Cracker Barrel restaurant in Springfield. Weirdly enough the next day in the dream we went to another Cracker Barrel but it was in Springfield Illinois - I must have picked that idea up from that hilarious movie with Mia Farrow where she and this person end up travelling to every Springfield in every state just because. So there were all these tornadoes throughout the dream - sort of a theme for it I guess - four touched down while I was there alone, one touched down while I was on the way with you folks in Illinois and we were actually awakened by the tornado siren by one when we got to Michigan. I think that might have been some metaphor or something - whirlwind life or somesuch. Anyway, stay with me. While we were there Paul was sick the whole time with a cough and would throw up once every day or two and then miraculously was cured by simply coming home. OH right and you were sick too. You were so bad off near the end of the dream that you had the flu, your period and a toothache all of which disappeared the minute we left for home. So anyway there were all these weird images popping up throughout that I vaguely remember. OH right, the store brand at the grocery store was called “home harvest” which I must have picked up from everyone here we know calling this thrift store in town “home harvest”. Oh and it was so weird. Our friends were in the dream too - the ones from just west of here. They were there with their kids and we drove out to see them one day - they were living in a cohousing situation that looked pretty cool. It was so odd I can’t tell you - I am just glad to be awake and know I’m back home.”

Culture shock was really not the word to describe this whole experience. So many people all focused on getting more stuff, many of them all sending their resumes out to other similar companies in the hopes that a new job will give them more money and more stuff as a result. It’s like the eternal carrot on a stick deal. Except in this case you never get the carrot, it just hangs out there until you get too old and tired to chase it and you give up.

The last week we were there was pretty hard. I didn’t get a weekend as things were getting more hectic as I was getting ready to go. Sage got the flu towards the end as I said and was pretty tired so she had the apartment complex people bring over a TV and VCR so she could have a bit of a break. This was a pretty good thing as she and Paul got to watch some nature shows and sit still for a while probably helping both of their colds and I got to see American Beauty with Sage. I took last Thursday (day) off to get ready for a crazy night I was expecting to have on Thursday - I wasn’t due in until 5:00 PM. So after sleeping in as much as I could I woke up and made some food (Tofurky - very tasty I might add) and Sage and I watched the movie. What a fantastic film and so timely for me. It was a great criticism of the American consumerist/careerist lifestyle in my opinion with such a touching end that made that movie like the second movie whose end I cried at. Oh, and did anyone see the cameo appearance of the book “Your Money or Your Life” on the car seat next to the wife (forget her name) near the end of the film? It was either a way of letting people know that this was a thinly veiled criticism or it hinted at a further plot depth and either way it was fascinating. For those who haven’t read the book - I highly recommend it. It’s one of the books that really energized the “voluntary simplicity” movement and talks a lot about practical ways you can get to financial independence well before you are meant to retire.

After the movie I had such a crazy night. I went in at 5:00 PM and worked straight through until noon the next day. I can’t tell you how glad I was that that was my last day and I really felt bad for all the people I left behind. One person who luckily for him was leaving at noon as well had worked for 30 hours straight. Those we left behind had worked only 12 hours (from about midnight) but had also worked all day on Thursday. At one point I was literally falling asleep standing up with my eyes open. As best I can tell this kind of schedule is what people remaining on this job have to look forward to for 3 weeks or so. When I was saying my goodbyes everyone said “see you next year” or “The other machine will be ready in January, see you then, I guess!” to which I replied “Not if I can help it!” They promised that if I did make it back in January they’d be ready to start work (as opposed to the test plan writing) right away. “Oh great!” I thought, “I can look forward to working 12-20 hour days right from the beginning of the six weeks.” I can’t tell you how seriously I am pulling for our success with Nesting Tyrtle. Going back to work there is not really something I look forward to. Not that I can garner much sympathy from lots of people - after all, the pay was good, the accomodations were excellent and we got to dine out several nights a week. But of course I should’ve guessed that I would figure this out: If I am someone who doesn’t care about having lots of money then lots of money really won’t make me feel much better about doing something I don’t believe in - especially that takes so much time away from my family.

Interestingly enough we don’t really miss any of it. Sage and I both thought we’d miss the washer/dryer or the dishwasher or even the swimming pools and when we got home on Sunday and found ourselves not missing those at all we figured we’d miss the new car. So yesterday I took back the rental car and went from the ‘01 Ford Focus to the ‘78 Chevy Malibu again and instead of missing it like I thought I would, I was actually glad to take it back. It felt like giving back the last tie to the business world (actually that’ll come when I send my final invoice in tomorrow). It also felt like giving back the last bits of the costume. When Sage and I were in Kalamazoo we both felt like we were playing house with our development house, new car and in my case even some new clothes (okay - all my outfits combined cost $30 at the thrift store).

I keep expecting to hear some cosmic voice saying “We now return you to our regularly scheduled program…”

My stomach thanks you.

My stomach thanks you, Paul thanks you, I thank you for your excellent meal ideas. I’ll provide a comprehensive list later, but definitely my favorites were: have a potluck, and get invited to someone’s house for dinner.

I was eavesdropping on two college age boys on the bus and heard the following conversation.

Boy 1 Man, that Tiffany, she goin’ out with David. David is a class A jerk. He don’t treat women like he ought to.

Boy 2, gloomily Girls don’t go for guys like us, uh-uh. They love jerks. The badder the guy is, the more they want him. What’s wrong with nice guys? What’s wrong with girls?

Boy 1 Tiffany’s hot, too.

Boy 2 Yeah, she’s got great tits. They huge.

Boy 1 Why don’t women like us?

I wanted to hold up my Irony sign but I’d left it at home.

Boy 2 How’s it goin’ with Melissa?

Boy 1 Aw, Melissa and me, man, we broke up. I said right at the start, just don’t sleep with my brother, and we’ll get along fine. Guess what she did?

Boy 2 That’s a shame. That’s a damn shame. Your brother’s okay, though. He’s mellower than you.

Boy 1 He’s not mellow, he’s an asshole!

Don’t you wonder if Melissa didn’t give the brother a second thought until she heard this “don’t sleep with him” edict? Kind of like, “Don’t think about white bears, whatever you do”?

And now, a word from Andrea, who gave me permission to quote her:

I know this was from a few days (weeks?) ago, but remember in the sidebar where you said about the ladies in the checkout line talking about a wedding?

This got me to thinking about what Todd called “business card sniffing” and I realized women do this too in the area of their kids and husbands. Like often when I am out with Emma and the other kids are nowhere in sight, a stranger will assume I am a first-time mom and start giving me advice (usually when I’m really frazzled). Sometimes when I say I have other kids, they start a “well I have more than you” game. You have four kids, well, I’ve got FIVE! Kinda funny really. I could go on and on with examples, but I’m sure you know what I mean.

I have even noticed with a group of women it is fashionable (?) to see how much trash you can talk about your hubby. Sometimes when I can’t take it anymore, I ask them, “so why did you marry him if he bugs you so much?”

I get that blank stare.

Work is continuing. What more can I say?

Submitted entry: Happy Solstice! Either it’s today (the 20th) or tomorrow the 21st which is probably today when you’re reading it so either way I win. Anyway, All right, all right!!! I’ll do an entry, already. Geesh. The answer is no I haven’t been hit by a truck, absorbed into corporate America I’ve just got everyone here and not much time these days. As it stays light late in Michigan - like 10:00 at night since we’re at the western fringes of the eastern time zone Paul doesn’t really get to sleep early enough for me to do anything but hang out with him between getting home from work and getting to bed as while he finds that he’s happy to stay up until 10-11:00, I’m usually a noodle by this point.

We were home over the weekend of June 1st and had a great time at Poke Salat days - a local festival where we had a booth for Nesting Tyrtle as well as to sell some of Kitey’s hats. While we didn’t get any business for the web design company we sold a ton of hats mostly to 10-12 year old boys who seemed to have deemed them the cool thing to wear for the day. So Paul, Kitey, Sage and I had a great time just hanging out at the booth (Sage and I got quite sunburned but everyone else was fine) and chatting with friends and strangers alike and feasting on the homemade ice cream that was being made at the booth across from us. We’re definitely looking forward to the next festival coming up for us in September.

After a whirlwind time of packing up the booth for Poke Salat days and putting all that away we unpacked the booth out of our car and filled it with our things for the trip the next morning. The next morning after breakfast we all loaded the car, said our goodbyes and went to pick up a friend of ours who was to drive us to the airport to pick up a rental car that was being provided us in lieu of the two airfares we’d have been entitled to this month. About 10 miles outside of Springfield the sky went dark as night and a huge storm came blustering in. We finally sloshed to the airport and after a bit of a wait and a few hoops to be jumped through (including our friend’s driving the car around the councourse several times as security said it was “5 minute parking only” despite there being no others waiting) I got the keys and we all drove over to the car lot and unloaded our ‘78 Malibu and loaded our ‘01 Focus. Talk about time travelling. It was bizarre to go from such an old car to a brand new one with so far no quirks we know of. (The speedometer works, it has a rear window defroster, the interior’s pretty, it has a muffler…) We drove a few miles to a restaurant where we had lunch as the downpour got worse. Then as soon as the lunch was done the downpour stopped completely.

So we got on our way and made it about 3 hours before Paul decided that he didn’t want to go to Michigan but wanted to stay home. It was really heartbreaking and continues to be. He’s having a good time here and is finding things to do the longer we’re here but he really misses his “Cat house” and his granny.

Anyway, we drove on until we were tired and crabby and the rain started pouring down again until we got to a small town in Illinois called Highland which sadly didn’t seem to have a bit of high land to speak of. I ran into the Holiday in to ask if they had a vacancy and she said that indeed she did but she also had to warn me that they were tracking a tornado towards the town as we spoke and she suggested we stay there where it was safe. So, nervewracked, we took the room and went inside and waited for the “run and hide downstairs” alarm that never came. The tornado warning was over and it was fine. Well, except the storm was still raging and did so most of the night giving me nightmares about tornados and making me feel as if I were sleeping with one eye and one ear open all night.

Work is continuing. What more can I say? I’m still not particularly fond of corporate culture (he says after reading the better part of a book on corporate organizations viewed as cults) but have had a good time. I think the turning point happened for me in the middle of the night a few days after we all got here Paul had a cough (more on this later) and needed someone to stay up with him. Sage volunteered saying that I had to get up for work the next day and I felt terrible - I knew that it wouldn’t be a good excuse for me to call in the next day and so I went back to sleep knowing that had we been at home I would’ve been able to help out.

[it’s now the 22nd - so much for finishing the entry in one day!]

Anyway - the next day I realized just how much a corporation imposes itself upon the personal lives of the employees in just such a simple thing as having a set of standards by which the validity of an absence is judged. So I just decided to do my best to not let myself be imposed upon in areas where I have control - in particular those of my beliefs. I resolved then and there to not just quietly sit and listen to things I disagree with but would instead speak my opinions and to say what was on my mind. Sage, too, did the same sort of thing and the result was fascinating. People mostly seem to operate like poorly programmed computers. There appears to be a set of expected topics of conversation and opinions to have about them and when conversation goes outside those lines, people freeze. I noticed it first when someone spoke against La Leche League’s encouragement of extended nursing - a person at a table of about eight was having a sort of breaktime monologue and not unlike a bad Las Vegas comedian said something like “And what wbout those La Leche League women - they just go to far encouraging their six year old kids to just come over, lift up the shirt, and get a drink from the tap.” I was shocked, I think in part because that for me was an unexpected opinion based on who I surround myself with at home. Anyway - I said that I strongly disagreed and that there was a great deal of literature demonstrating the numerous benefits of extended nursing to a child’s development.” The table got silent. Everyone’s social discourse program crashed. I don’t know if it was the presence of strong disagreement or the presence of an unexpected opinion but there was silence for nearly a minute until someone “rebooted” and started a conversation about old Hanna Barbera cartoons.

Sage and I together had the same experience twice with two different people here too. Both times we’d been asked how we liked it living here and both times we said that we didn’t really like it much and that we missed all the support of family and friends at home. This was not expected and there was a noticible pause while the peoples’ brains recovered from the shock of not hearing “We love it! It’s so great to not be in that dirty old yurt anymore. Hooray for indoor pools and money!” One person suggested that the answer to our lonliness might be the simple lack of hobbies - and proceeded to list a number of expensive hobbies. As if our problem here was not that we were missing friends and family and what I would consider the support that everyone needs but instead were just at a loss for how to spend our money.

I really have the abbot at the Tam Quang Temple to thank for this change in attitude. Just letting go of my expectation that it will either seem as fun as it used to to work or that the people here would be as fun to be with as the people at home has been helpful. Of course in many ways they have been fun to be with just not in the same way. I’ve enjoyed playing with peoples’ minds and doing my best to be as much myself as I can be in a corporate environment which throws people off quite a great deal. I also owe that attitude change to the abbot. He suggested that I find something to enjoy at work and also was quite fond of the phrase “so what” whenever I’d say that I was worried about confrontation or feeling embarassed.

About two weeks ago I was at lunch bemoaning the fact that public transportation is not considered “cool” or that it is considered a lower class mode of transportation. It wasn’t until the next day I realized how silly it was for me to have that conversation and not take the bus to work. So I called around and found out where the bus routes were. It turns out that 1/3 of a mile from the apartment is a stop that takes me to a stop (with one change in between) across the street from work. So I’ve been taking that every day now since then and have had a great time and get to read an extra couple of hours a day too. The past couple of nights I’ve caught rides with coworkers though as I’ve had to work late some.

The day after I started taking the bus to work I had an interesting wake-up. I was sleeping in the bedroom while Sage was asleep on the couch in the living room with Paul in her lap (Paul’s had a bit of a cough still that he’s just getting over now that was really helped by his sitting up when he slept). At about six am I woke up and groggily realized that there was a huge storm outside with great bolts of lightning with hardly any pause before thunder crashed. One bolt hit the garage about 50 feet from the apartment. But then, still half asleep and lying down I realized that there was another more distant sound not unlike an air raid siren. A few seconds later I knew what it was - the tornado siren - meaning that there was a tornado on the ground nearby and that we should take cover. I woke up Sage and asked her what she thought we should do. I looked around and saw that there was no really good place to take cover on the first floor (there’s only a glassed in hallway other than the first floor apartments) and so I went back to the apartment and figured the best place was the bathroom. Fortunately by the time I figured it all out the siren was off but the storm was raging. It was interesting, though - after several siren tests back home I was convinced I’d be really terrified to hear it but as it happens I was pretty cool headed in part, I think, because I just couldn’t believe it was happening.

So now we’re in the final days - seven days in fact - of the project. Several weeks back, when it was appearing that there would be project delays I gave my “notice” which consisted of letting people know that I was serious about honoring their commitment that I’d be here for only six weeks which would end on next Friday. They were disappointed as expected but have honored their side of the bargain more than willingly while at the same time asking fairly often if I might consider staying later or if more money might convince me (no way!!) But the work is really picking up as what I expected to start about 2-3 weeks ago just gets started today. I’ll be working every day between now and Friday and many of those are likely to be be in double-digit hours. I don’t mind though - just knowing there’re only seven days left makes me feel like I could do about anything for that long. And all the overtime will only make it that much less likely I’ll ever have to do this sort of thing again or at least that it’ll be a long time coming.

That said I need to get to bed soon - I still haven’t adjusted to it’s being light at almost 10:00 here but I need to get to bed soon to rest while I can.

Catsin!

Paul went running past the doorway of the room I was sitting in the other day. Paul Catsin! Where’s the catsin, Mama?

Sage Catsin? Catsup, you mean?

Paul No, Mama, the catsin, Granny says we have to find it.

Kitey Er…sorry, I mean, let’s find the cat POOP.

Kitey (Paul’s granny) is staying here while me while Todd’s away so that I can work. I love having her here, and I love that she and Paul have such a wonderful relationship, but sometimes I feel like I’m with a starlet at a Hollywood cocktail party. I’ll be in the middle of telling a story to Paul, and he’ll suddenly peer over my shoulder, LEAP up, run into the other room and shout, “GRANNY! Granny’s here! YAY!”

I love cats. Kitey hates them. She particularly hates Habanero, who (accidentally, mind you) scratched Paul while he was sleeping. After listening to her go on and on about Habanero to Paul, I finally said, “Christ! I’m getting really sick of the way you get all your hatefulness about the cats on my son!”

Kitey was surprised. “I’ve never used the word ‘hate’ you know. I talk about it with humor.”

Paul brought a particularly awful book over to me and put it in my lap. “Read this, Mama.”

I scowled. “I HATE that book.”

Kitey died laughing. I had to laugh too.

And finally, I’m sending out a plea for very, very, extremely easy just-add-water recipes. I hate (ahem) to cook, I’m no good at it, and with Todd gone we’ve eaten El Paso Taco Dinner Kit FIVE NIGHTS in a row now. Please. I’m begging you. I have no shame. I’ll buy any dinner kit I can find, as long as there are no tacos in it.

Luxury is a distraction.

Submitted entry: Tomorrow will make a week that I’ve been away and what a week it has been. Being back to work has been a somewhat bizarre experience. As I expected I find myself feeling I have less in common with coworkers than I ever did - almost like we live in separate realities with entirely different priorities and ideas of what constitutes a happy life. Working and buying things (in that order) seem to be what the priorities are. And the culture of people out in the field like this (as opposed to those working near their home and commuting to the same place every day) feels very bleak to me when I think of doing it myself. Most people are either single, or divorced. There are hardly any married people on the job and I can see why. Working this often, spending so little time with one’s own loved ones makes it hard to maintain a family I imagine. I think I might well be the only person who has brought their family along on the job (or will be bringing them soon). In fact, of all the men I worked with in the company three years ago only one or two are still married.

It is really bizarre, though, to be in this apartment. It’s in a complex that offers “luxury amenities” like indoor and outdoor pools and jacuzzis, things to do for the kids, free breakfast, etc. The apartment itself is really nice too with a big kitchen filled with all the newest appliances, washer/dryer, fireplace, etc. When I came in the table was set for six with all the forks and wine glasses, etc. I’ve never lived in anywhere so expensive. It all seems really excessive, though. Of course it would, though. I was in a yurt without running water and electricity four years ago and even now have a very basic house that costs almost 10% of what this place costs. But all the luxury both in the apartment and out really do do a good job of what I expect on one level they’re meant to do. They provide distractions from the fact that working a lot and being away from one’s family isn’t really fun. And if you raise your expectations to the point where having a big beautiful house or apartment is what you feel you need or even deserve because you work so hard then you get yourself into an endless loop that is great for business. If you need a bunch of distractions from your largely empty life then you have to work a lot to afford them. If you have to work a lot to afford them then you feel like you need distractions (”you deserve a break today”). I’m finding it helpful in all of this to avoid getting sucked back into that loop (and believe me it would be easy to do - a dinner out here, a trip to the bookstore there) by quantifying purchases in terms of hours of work it takes to pay for it. That’s an old technique I’ve seen lots of places but I think for me I have to be careful even with that one. After all, this job pays a great deal more than I’d make back home and I intend to make it last quite some time longer than the time I’m here. So in that case I have to really look at my spending in terms of hours of time at home my purchase would pay for. That is not to say that I don’t try to have some fun here, just that I limit what I spend money on and try to be aware of what I’m spending and why I’m spending it.

But it hasn’t been particularly unpleasant. Okay, at times I feel I’m back in college surrounded by frat boys and sorority girls that just grew up but are still superficial and still people I can’t relate to. And living in the Ozarks and surrounding myself with people I love spending time with makes the culture shock worse. When a person at home asks “How are you?” they are asking in order to know what’s going on in my life with some level of concern. When a person at work says “How ya’ doin’?” or “Whassup?” it’s not really a question, it’s more an acknowledgement of another’s presence. One of these days I might actually try answering the question honestly instead of just saying the expected “good” and see just what happens.

I have met a bunch of interesting people outside of work, though. There appear to be a number of Buddhists in the area here and I’ve managed to get together with some for some meditation instruction (the first real instruction I’ve been given outside of books) and Dharma discussions, meditation groups, etc. That experience has been a wonderful counterbalance to the inanity of the social discourse at work.

And I had an interesting experience the first time I met with any of these people though. I went to a meditation group that met at the Hindu temple near where I am working. After about 1/2 hour of sitting meditation a very odd realization struck me. But in order to understand the realization you need to know about a dream I had a while back:

In that dream that I had back when we were in the middle of trying to find out how we were going to get out of the yurt - whether I’d go back to work full time (glad that didn’t happen), or Sage would or we’d have the life that we have now. Anyway, one night I was feeling particularly dismal about how things were working out and went to sleep. That night I dreamed I found myself with a bunch of Buddhist practitioners at a retreat (I called it one in the dream though it wasn’t the more I think about it as we weren’t there for a long time). It was odd, however, to find that all these Buddhists were meeting at a Christian church and I kept being weirded out by that. Then I went outside under a covered walkway and saw Pema Chodron. Anyway, I woke up that morning, a morning we planned to go to Springfield to the library and knew I should look her up at the library. I looked her up and found only one book available - When Things Fall Apart which turned out to be a very helpful book - particularly in the context of my life which I figured was falling apart on one level or another.

Anyway, at the meditation group I suddenly realized that this was that church from the dream - and it was right down to all the little details. And of course I thought it was a Christian church because while it was a Hindu temple now, it very much looks like it was at one time a Christian church complete with steeple. It was quite a shocking realization and sort of shook my faith in the nature of reality as I understand it to say the least.

Most of the remainder of the week was spent working which for reasons of confidentiality and the fact that most of it is pretty boring I won’t go in to here.

This weekend, as everyone has left I actually rented a car which has been really wonderful in terms of getting things done. Last night I did a big grocery shopping trip as I have been eating out far too much and didn’t want to carry food the mile or so back from the store - I should have brought a backpack. After that I picked up a bathing suit (I forgot mine) at a store where all the clothes were under $10 and then came back here for a quick email check and then a trip across the complex to the activities center where I spent an hour or so switching between the pool and the jacuzzi while reading Deschooling our Lives.

Today, though, I had a really wonderful day. I woke up at about 5:30 - for some reason I am waking up earlier even though the time zone change would be expected to make me want to sleep later. After coffee, an email check and shower (the shower is one thing I am really glad to have - we only have a bath at home and I didn’t realize how much I missed it) I got in the car and drove to the Tam Quang Temple where there is a weekly meditation session and Dharma discussion. I arrived a little early and was able to have a short breakfast with the people at the temple and introduce myself before an hour and fifteen minutes of sitting meditation followed by a Dharma discussion. Being still pretty new to Buddhism I didn’t really speak a great deal but it was interesting to listen to. The discussion was about the root of suffering and just where does suffering come from. What I took away from it was that so much of suffering (all of it?) comes from our labeling things “This is good, this is bad, this is unpleasant, etc.” instead of just living them. I certainly see that in my time here. I can’t tell you how easy it was and still is to fall into the trap that “poor me, I have to be away from my family and work.” I’m labelling that as unpleasant. I could just as easily refrain from labeling it and enjoy it for what it is. Certainly so many people would not label this as suffering and would gladly work a few weeks away from their family in a luxury apartment with the bonus that they’d most likely not have to work again for several months.

After the discussion I drove back to the apartment, checked email and tried to see if Sage was on and available for IRC or backgammon and then as she wasn’t I went to bed and slept for about three hours before waking up groggy as I am.

Anyway - that’s where I’m at. It’s sort of a disjointed entry but hopefully you’ll get a feel for what I’m up to. I’d be glad to get email too if you’re up for it. Meanwhile I’m going to go get my coffee, call Sage and Paul and then probably make a dinner. As I don’t have my full kitchen of spices it will be sort of a bachelor’s sort of dinner - I shopped very much like a stereotypical single man buying lots of veggie burgers, pasta, frozen pizza, and other quick foods. I just can’t get behind buying a whole ton of spices and such just to get me through a few weeks. And of course it isn’t very inspiring to cook for one’s self when it’s only me after all. I definitely prefer to cook for others…