Entries

The Transition Monster

Submitted entry: Because of an allergy treatment Sage got yesterday afternoon, my coffee, laptop, and I have been banished to Starbucks. For a moment I entertained the thought of just going in early and having my coffee on the way but I’m not allowed to have coffee at my desk (horrors!).

It’s kind of interesting, actually, writing an entry at this time (before work and pre-coffee) and place. I seem to remember little to write except about coffee and work though I know full well I had a motivation yesterday sometime to write an entry.

Had an odd night last night. I took Sage to the acupuncturist for a treatment and Paul and I hung out in the waiting room reading to each other while we waited. He did great there but then we went out for Indian food. I think that was our first mistake. Even though I couldn’t think of much in the way of Indian food he liked, we selfishly took him anyway since we really wanted to go. His behavior was almost a parody of “bad restaurant behavior”. I mention this not looking for sympathy or to condemn him (after all we brought him there). Finally there was a very silly moment where he stood up and walked away from the table. I asked him where he was going and he said “I’m going home!” I think it would have been interesting to find out what he’d have done. You know, in a world without consequences and Bilbo’s invisibility ring to wear so you could stand right next to him the whole time without him knowing. Anyway, his behavior improved after he realized he really liked the bread. And fortunately I ordered a ton of different breads.

When we got home, though, things improved vastly. We had a bit of transition difficulty at first which reminded me that I’m about due to read Raising your Spirited Child. It’s always helpful to read it when I forget about personality types and lose my patience quickly. Anyway, after we got over the initial shock of being back home we all went outside to the pool. Paul paddled around on his innertube while Sage, Paul and I threw a beach ball around. After about an hour we were all exhausted and we got out of the pool for a quick break in the hot tub before going back to the apartment. We had such a good time. I think it was one of the first times we had a really physically active time together as a family, sad to say.

And of course a couple of other things have impacted his behavior as well. This weekend he had a cold and so watched way more television and movies than he ever did. Not that we don’t know what all that stimulation does to him. I guess we just have to remind ourselves every once in a while what being on the computer and watching television does to Paul so we can remember to cut down on it in our own lives. (Who says that it doesn’t happen to us too? It does for sure!)

Finally, I’m noticing that he really needs way more of my attention when I get home on weeknights. I know, not a big surprise there. After all, it was knowing that kids benefit from having attention from both parents that got me to quit my job in the first place. I think I have transition difficulties too. So I get home and have trouble focusing on him (or Sage or anything for that matter). And when I don’t focus on him his behavior goes south quickly. I hate to react to it by giving positive reinforcement but it is seeming like if by my own mistake I didn’t pay enough attention to him when I get home and he has a tantrum that the answer may well be to offer to do something fun with him (read a book, play a game…).

So my plan for tonight is to both thwart the transition monster and give him a bunch of attention by getting right in the pool first thing when I get home. It often seems like after we get through that initial difficulty we both are able to get along better and both of our behavior stays improved the whole night.

Take last night, for example. After we returned from the pool, we both changed and then he got interested in playing with his wooden dolls. I joined him on the floor and for the first time in months we just played. Not went out to a museum, not went hiking or geocaching but played together. And we both had fun. Yes, I am embarrassed and do feel bad.

The night ended very nicely after that. All three of us read Michael Palin’s Sahara book together. Well, we tried anyway. I got through about two paragraphs before he fell asleep.

Yikes - I have to get to work. And I still need to finish my coffee - seems once I got started I forgot it was here.

Aw. I just want to pat my 24 year old self on the head.

Are you SURE a stork carried me to your house one day, Daddy?