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What’s the best time to quit caffeine?

What’s that you said?

You want to know what’s the aboslute best time to quit caffeine altogether?

You’ve tried quitting coffee, but now black tea is messing with your blood sugar to an even greater degree, and you have to cut that out too?

The optimum time to stop is right now.

Yes, right now, while your co-parent is in another state and you’re constantly on the edge of tears because your period is going…to start…any…minute now. Because the exhaustion and the caffeine withdrawal headaches? Will be so very, very welcome.

As I’ve mentioned already, far too much of my time these days is spent monitoring my level of dizziness. I quit coffee because it screwed with my blood sugar, and after a particularly anxiety ridden week (as Todd says, half my brain is in the Southwest) I decided that tea wasn’t worth the extra worry either. So I stopped drinking it about four days ago, and aside from the terrible headaches (and the urge to take a nap almost all the time for the first two days) I have accomplished my goal, which was to stabalize my blood sugar and thereby make myself more relaxed.

Now that very hot baths make me too dizzy to stand for upwards of 24 hours, and I can’t drink coffee or tea, my list of Comfort Activities has shrunk to one: reading in a wingback armchair that last belonged to a woman in her eighties. Recently her daughter called to find out if we were taking it to Canada, because she was willing to take it back if we didn’t want it anymore, and I panicked. “No! It’s my last comfort activity left! Don’t take my old lady chair away too!“

Next stop is actually eating vegetables every day, instead of hoping that I’m ingesting the proper amount via vitamins. Because I am so tired of the self-obsession and constant internal monitoring that I will even eat broccoli to make it stop.

Everything. Is. Closed.

The Theater of the Damned