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Creataaaaaahs

Paul loves the show Zaboomafoo, and when we had a tv, he never missed it. When I found out that the Kratt brothers were coming to Toronto, I kept it a secret until the day before the show, then told Paul where we were going. He was thrilled. We arrived at the outdoor stage on a day that never got above -8C, but was so comparatively balmy that I didn’t bother wearing my hat - one day into a brand new crewcut, even. I was sad when I saw four or five people milling about, and thought, wow, that columnist for the Eye wasn’t kidding:

[In a Hollywood club] these mid-range celebrities were all recognized by the natives, but allowed to exist unperturbed. In Toronto they exist unperturbed because in a town which purports to be the film capital of the north, nobody knows who the hell they are.

We stood there for awhile, waiting. I checked my watch every once in awhile and eventually saw that they were meant to be ten minutes into the show.

“Oh noooo,” I muttered out of the side of my mouth to Todd. “I think I fucked up. I think it started at one, not two.”

Todd’s eyes widened. “That is so not good,” he whispered. “Go check.”

I checked. Yes, the show had only just ended. Paul took it well, though, and was all ready to head for the science museum when we saw a huge crowd of people gathered just down the street. Thinking it might be another performer, we headed over. It was a line to meet the Kratt brothers. Paul was just as happy to meet one in person as he was to see the show, so we headed for Chris’ side, because Chris is, you know, prettier.

But then Todd looked over at Martin’s line and saw that it was fully 30 feet shorter then Chris’ and we felt so bad for Martin that we switched over to his line. We were entertained by a man juggling fire and another man on stilts while Ominous Security Bicycle Man looked on, ominously.

When we were almost to the front of the line the woman running Martin’s security said (in this Fargo-meets-Toronto accent): “Sooo, how didja like the zoo show?”

Paul [silence; nothing personal, he’s just like that with people he doesn’t know]

Sage We didn’t actually get to see it; I messed up on the time and we arrived late.

Security Woman Aw, well, you missed a fabulous show! It was amazing! The camel was gigantic, and the geese misbehaved, and the goats didn’t want to get off of the platform, and -

Sage, trying to make her stop Wow, sounds like it was fun. Soooo! Was it cold standing outside all day?

Security Woman It was the best show I ever got to see! It’s terrible that you didn’t get to see it! You’ll never see a show like that again! The geese went out into the audience and were trying to get food from people - they didn’t get to be in the second show at all - and at the end they threw free candy out to the audience, and picked a five year old boy to go to Africa with them to study lions!

[Okay, maybe all she said was the geese went out into the audience, but god, she made it sound absolutely amazing, and I was standing there thinking, “Lady, have you ever talked to a disappointed kid before? And if not, surely you WERE a disappointed kid at some point your life?” Paul just stood there, nonplussed. I think he was nervous about meeting the Kratt brother.]

Then the security woman had to shut up because Martin Kratt was ready to Meet and Greet us, so we scooted a little farther into the tent.

[listen to sound clip]

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother Do want to ask me any questions, or tell me anything?

Paul [long pause] Um, I’m five.

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother You’re five? Cool! How old do you think I am?

Paul [silence]

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother Can you guess?

Paul [silence]

Sage Are you gonna guess? No?

Paul [silence]

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother Do you think I’m older than ten, or younger than ten?

Paul [silence]

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother Prolly older, right?

Paul [silence]

Sage, to Paul You’re not falling for this one.

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother So, who’s your favorite animal?

Paul [long pause] Cat.

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother Cat! All right! Let’s get a picture, buddy. Come on.

Sage Thank you!

Less-Pretty Kratt Brother On three, let’s say “creatures”. One, two three, creataaaaaahs.

Paul [silence]

You have to give the guy credit, obviously he’s dealt with a lot of shy kids and was very nice to Paul.

Also, I know, if you listen to the sound clip I sound like a ninny, but I get nervous when conversation doesn’t flow (it’s why I prefer email to the phone) and besides, I was busy oggling Chris on the other side of the divider.