Magpie

Paul, who is like a tiny magpie (he found two pennies buried in a planter at a mall, then wanted to check every planter in the city, and it was just after I said, “Paul, I’m thirty one years old, and that is the first time I have ever seen coins in a planter,” that he found another penny in a planter approximately twenty miles from the first one) found an advertisement for Scooby Doo Burger King toys lying on the sidewalk. He picked it up, treasured it, and read it so many times it almost fell apart.

When I gave him his allowance, he asked if he could go to Burger King and buy a Scooby Doo toy. I sighed inwardly, but conceded that the toys weren’t violent and yes, he could buy one. So he did.

Then he found a Scooby Doo comic book at the library. And then, the crowning glory: a Scooby Doo chapter book. He spent this week’s allowance on another chapter book, because the library (wisely, in my opinion) doesn’t seem to carry more than one. It’s a good compromise because I’d never take him to see the movie (too violent, with a running “geeks are ugly” theme).

We were at the store, buying sheets, and soon I heard, “Mama? How about we get this bedspread?” When I saw that it had Scooby Doo on it, I laughed.

“Have you noticed,” I said, “that ever since you found that advertisement, you want things with Scooby Doo on them? What do you think, did the advertisement work on you?”

He frowned at the bedspread and walked away from it. Ha. I win.

Later, on the bus, he was reading his comic book.

Paul Will you read it with me?

Sage No. I don’t like Scooby Doo.

Paul How come?

Sage Because they’re all so dumb. Look at Daphne. She’s dumber than a box of rocks. She’s always being captured and rescued, and never does anything for herself. I do like Velma, though.

Paul Why?

Sage Because she’s smart and brave and interesting. In fact, if I were Velma, I’d leave their detective agency and form my own. And all by myself, I’d solve more crimes than they ever did.

Paul reads to himself for awhile Look, Mama. All Daphne ever says is “Oh” or “Hey”.

Sage mutters Probably the only words she knows.

After we got off the bus, thinking about this conversation, I felt kind of weird about denigrating dumb people. I mean, being smart doesn’t guarantee that you’re a good person, and Paul has already freaked out when he doesn’t know the “right” answer.

We passed a toy store and Paul wanted to go in, so we did. It was a store targeted at both children and adults (best grown-up toy: Geek Man Action Figure) and the first thing I saw was a girl’s t-shirt hung up at Paul’s eye level that read, “Boys are dumb. Throw rocks at them.” Paul sailed by without seeing it, and busied himself at the back of the store.

I giggled, then really realized what I was looking at and my eyes widened.

The shop owner, a middle-aged woman, came in.

Owner Do you need any help?

Sage No, thank you. I was just looking at…look, I’m kind of appalled by this t-shirt.

Owner, defensively It’s tongue in cheek. ANYONE can see that.

Sage Sure, I can see that. But I’m not a five year old boy.

Owner I have boys too, and I feel perfectly fine with having that t-shirt in my store.

Sage But…little kids don’t understand that -

Owner I have no concerns whatsoever with that t-shirt.

I spent the rest of the time in the store standing in front of the t-shirt and trying not to throw rocks at the owner.