Entries
What’s wrong with my parents?
January 25 UPDATE I’ve cleverly dropped my microphone on the floor and broken it. Entries and podcasts will be posted as soon as I can replace the microphone, hopefully by tomorrow.
I overheard a teenage boy on the subway, saying, “…when Stephen Harper wins, he’s going to turn Canada into another America. What’s wrong with my parents? Why are they voting for him?”
I wanted to follow that kid home and yell at his parents, I wanted to yell at the entire subway car, I wanted to say, “LISTEN, PEOPLE, SINCE WHEN DO YOU WANT TO BECOME THE 51ST STATE? HUH? HUH?”
I’ve been avoiding this issue in the hopes that it would quietly go away, but no luck. Today Canadians will vote for the next Prime Minister. In the running are: Crook McCrook (Paul Martin), High Hopes (Jack Layton) and Eeeeeevil (Stephen Harper). Eeeeeevil is ahead in the polls.
High Hopes is the New Democratic Party candidate. He’s the charismatic, get things done Bill Clinton, if you will, minus the active libido. In fact, he’s been happily married to fellow politician Olivia Chow for 17 years. High Hopes wants to enlarge public transit, clean up the environment, stop health care privatization, increase – INCREASE! – immigration, and continue Canada’s peaceful record. High hopes is, in essence, everything I love about Canada.
The Liberals, currently led by Crook McCrook, have been in power since 1993. And yeah, Martin is a crook. Of course he is. All liberals and democrats are thieves and adulterers, I’m not DENYING that. I’m just saying that at least HE’S NOT TRYING TO KILL ANYBODY BY MAKING FRIENDS WITH THE MOST CORRUPT AND BULLYING GOVERNMENT IN THE WORLD.
Which brings us to Eeeeeevil, aka Stephen Harper. Stephen Harper promised to overturn the gay marriage law. People are running to city hall in droves to get married before midnight tonight. He promised to work with Bush on missile defense. He says he’ll withdraw Canada from the environmental Kyoto Accord. He promised to do away with gun registration. He tried to promise to sell his soul to the devil, but the devil took one look in his eyes and said, “Nice try, Stevie. Looks like America’s had your soul for about a year now. Who’s trying to be a crook now, huh?”
The Canadians are tired of the Liberal party. They’re tired of Paul Martin, and they’re tired of a new scandal in which Paul Martin Tries To Make His Rich Friends Just That Little Bit Richer coming out once a week. They want Paul Martin to go home, and who can blame them?
But, come on, there is another alternative. I can’t vote in this election, but you can. Please, please, please, when you’re standing in that voting booth today, consider voting for Jack Layton.
Or you could well find yourself waving a new flag, one with Property of the United States of America stamped across the maple leaf.
Discussion
Comments are disabled for entries older than 31 days.