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Neverland

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Jamie in San Francisco, California, wrote…

It was at the ripe age of 12, when I “seriously” decided to pick a career for myself. I remember talking with girls in the schoolyard one day about what we would all be when we grew up. Penny (who would later change her name to Alexis in high school for no apparent reason, other then the fact that she no longer wanted to be named after the smallest possible currency in the US), always wore blindingly white KED tennys and had the coolest thick pink glasses, (mind you it was the 80’s) would proclaim “I’m gonna be a marine biologist and swim with dolphins!!” as her boxy glasses slid down her nose.

Three other girls would of course hurrah her decision and say they wanted to be marine biologists too. Julie, who was at the top of our class and was slated for sainthood (I wonder if she ever lost her virginity or her parents kept it locked up in a cabinet along with her trophies and certificates of merit?) would sheepishly say “Well, my parents think I should be a doctor, after all I do like kids, I’m going to be a pediatrician”. And of course the girls who had not declared their life long pursuit of marine biological sciences would announce their desire to help children and cure diseases.

I frowned and stuck my head back in my book. I REFUSED to play their game of “what kind of overachiever am I going to be?”. Secretly I was disappointed that I did not know what I wanted to be. I was leaning toward being an artist, after all, they are entitled to be moody and left alone for long periods, not chided by KED wearing teeny boppers with big noses and a fake smile. I mean, who wants to be a marine biologist? Who cares about the children? NOT ME I said, not if it meant hanging around a sea of Julies, Pennys and like a gazilliion girls named “Steph”, just “Steph”!

Anyways, it’s about 15 years later and I did study art for a while in college and eventually became a marine biologist. I still think, how cliche of me. I meet people who ALWAYS ask

Them: “What do you do dear?”

Me: “I’m a marine biologist.”

Them: “ohh! How exciting! You know, I always wanted to be a marine biologist!”

Me: (In slightly shocked and interested tone) “Oh! Reeally?” (I start backing away slowly at this point…..)

So I do scuba dive and occasionally see a dolphin. I also work with school children, yes, I admit it, I love children.

And what happened to Penny and Julie and the rest of the Stepford Valley Twins?

Well Penny did NOT become a marine biologist and Julie lives with her parents and is a CPA. I still try to do my art, but I did not achieve my goal. I don’t regret being who I am, I love being a scientist and educator. So yeah, that’s it.

I was on the elevator with two elderly residents who have lived in my building for a long time.

Man …that’s what Bob said about five years ago, anyway.

Woman Where is Bob? Is he still on the twelfth floor?

Man Oh, no. No, no. I think he’s…gone on.

Woman Gone on?

Man To, uh, you know…Neverland. That, or Florida.

And I sort of did that cough-snort thing that you do when you’re not supposed to laugh, because oh my god, in Canada elderly people really do not differentiate between Neverland and Florida, and you might be in heaven, you might be in Miami, but they’re…essentially the same thing.

I was watching an improvisational play. One of the actors asked for suggestions.

Actor So…okay, now I need a kind of job.

Audience Member Social worker!

Actor Good, good. Um, now I need an item, any item.

Audience member Banana!

Actor Great. Annnd, lastly, I need something that used to exist, but doesn’t anymore.

Audience Member DEMOCRACY!

And then everyone in the audience had that kind of hysterical laughter that is probably masking tears.