Entries

Librarians

Paul and I went on a tree-identifying hike, run by a dreary arborist who led us through a forest, saying, essentially, “It’s all hopeless, people have destroyed the environment, there’s no coming back from devastation like that, nothing works, nothing helps, does anyone feel like crying? Because I do,” but luckily despite dire predictions of a smog filled Death-Valley-esque summer Toronto has been nothing but clear blue skies, wispy clouds, and a brisk wind for the past week, and I’ve been so happy about that (because my usual response to summer is just to hibernate) that I was able to ignore Mr. Joyless for the most part.

Anyway, he did have one interesting fact: “In, in, you know, I can’t think of the name, and I keep wanting to say Scarberia [the nickname for the Scarborough area to the east of Toronto, which takes approximately four days to reach via subway] isn’t that terrible? Oh, I know, Siberia,” in Siberia there’s this forest that has only one kind of tree for as far as the eye can see. Can you imagine being lost in that forest? It would be, like, an existential crisis!”

Generally, I don’t care what people think of me. I dress solely for comfort. I’m not afraid to speak up when I feel I should. I don’t mind being “the weird one” among my friends.

Except when it comes to librarians. I care deeply about what librarians think of me, and I have for as long as I can remember, making sure to pick the most difficult, complex books in fourth grade at the school library.

So when libraries started carrying videos, I was presented with a dilemma. On the one hand, when they elect me Empress of the Universe (what, don’t you have thoughts that begin, “if I ruled the universe…”) I’ll make sure that libraries have nothing but books and internet access, and that’s it and all and the end. And by books, I mean BOOKS. No westerns. No romances. No Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: The Case of the Candy Cane Clue.

On the other hand…where else am I going to find free videos of the BBC tv show Absolutely Fabulous? Nowhere, is the answer.

But I was still careful. When I took out videos from the library, I made sure they were truly funny, or shockingly well-written.

Then I moved to Toronto. Where there are one hundred library branches. One hundred, people. So if I visited a library a day starting now, I wouldn’t be finished until the leaves had turned brown and started falling from the trees.

And suddenly, I could go to the library with my Scottish librarian who I adore and check out books like “The Art of the Personal Essay”, then head to one of the gigantic libraries with a rotating library staff and check out ANYTHING! I mean, okay, they technically work at the library at Library Giganticus, but they’re also only slightly older than Paul and they’re just clerks.

I got really excited, and used the library website to reserve Buffy the Vampire Slayer DVDs at Library Giganticus, then went to the tiny library to check out a Giller Prize finalist novel, feeling pleased with myself. The man behind the counter said, “Oh, it says you have a hold.”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s see, it’s Buffy…Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

My face turned red. “Uh, at the other other library, right?”

“Oh! You’re right, it’s not here. Sorry.”

Thank god my Scottish librarian who I adore wasn’t working that day.

Now, I did ask a librarian years ago if he had opinions about what people checked out. He laughed and shook his head and said no, that he looked at the barcode on the book, not the title, that he was too busy to bother with opinions. And what I want to know is, was he telling the truth? Have you ever worked at a library, or a bookstore? Did you ignore the book titles, or did you look to see what people were reading? Either way, I want to know. Send your answer via email, voicemail or voice comment.